By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What good would that do?
I distinctly remember forgetting that.

People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his

You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.

I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles

After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor.

I sometimes smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Where there is a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

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